Don’t waste your time listening to empty promises and tired excuses this campaign season. Make your own instead! Bullshit has never been as EASY or FUN! ___ (group of people) ___, our country has come to a ___ (non-specific location) ___, and now you have the __ (adjective) __ to change the political landscape ofContinue reading “Campaign Speech Mad Libs!”
Monthly Archives: September 2010
Plans To Pickup Someone At The Bar Cancelled For “Lack Of Confidence,” Officials Say
In a horrible upset on Thursday night, Sean Cooper’s plans to “get some strange” were called-off due to a lack of self-confidence and charisma. Cooper’s biggest fans, his housemates Brian and Jason, were looking forward to seeing a good game but went home dejected at the news of cancellation. “I kinda figured the whole, uh,Continue reading “Plans To Pickup Someone At The Bar Cancelled For “Lack Of Confidence,” Officials Say”
Man Finds Niche As “The Funny Fat Guy”
After 19 years of awkward chubbiness, Billy “Egg-Man” Munch has finally discovered his role in society. Once just a quick-witted porker from Wisconsin, Egg-Man has grown into “The Funny Fat Guy” in his group of friends at Penn State University. The announcement comes shortly after his ‘sick burn’ of his buddy Balls on the quadContinue reading “Man Finds Niche As “The Funny Fat Guy””
Sorry, But “How Was Your Summer?” Is No Longer An Acceptable Ice-Breaker
Well, it’s been a week and a half since classes began. New friends have been made, schedules are finally memorized, and almost everyone has been sufficiently raped by the overpriced campus bookstore. The nights are warm, the beer is cold (unless you still think frat parties are cool), and life is good. Unfortunately, settling intoContinue reading “Sorry, But “How Was Your Summer?” Is No Longer An Acceptable Ice-Breaker”
THE FILTERED PRESS 