Horny Dad Breezes Through Bedtime Story

“After trying the first bowl of porridge, Goldilocks decided she wasn’t hungry and preferred being thin so she jogged home.  The end.”  On Sunday night, this is how Gary Sendick told his son Todd the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. This is clearly a disgusting contrast from the classic and honored story of a little blonde thief who infiltrated the natural habitat of three endangered bears.

The abridged version did not stem from Sendick’s personal views on the story nor was it an attempt to preserve his son’s innocence.  it was actually just a matter of time constraints.

“My back was against the wall, okay?  The old lady and I haven’t had [relations] in over seven months.  I saw her take some Nyquil a little earlier in the night, so I knew I had approximately six minutes to finish this story up with Todd before she dozed off”, Sendick explained.

In order to have ample time to make sweet, sweet love to his wife, Sendicks cheated his son out of a bedtime story.

This sad situation is not an uncommon event.  Four of Todd’s schoolmates can attest to hearing different versions of well-known fairy tales on nights when their fathers appeared rushed or distracted.

Another father, Vinn Umbrick, commented on this form of neglectful parenting.  “You don’t know how demanding and stressful it is to have kids.  You can’t sacrifice any opportunity for [relations]”, Umbrick said before adding, “Now let’s think about this; my kid’s gonna her the story Jack and The Beanstalk at least 25 more times in his life, okay?  Give me a break if one of those times I get the details fuzzy.”

It seems that as long as time to read bedtime stories means less time for [relations], there will be dads who do not have the discipline to stick to the script.

Mister Polone, February 2010

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