Scared Firefighter Condemns Cat To Life In Tree

“That kitty looks happy as can be, and let’s not forget that cats can live in trees for years. Mr.Sprinkles T. Pembrook is going to be fine.” This was the response from local firefighter Vince Umbrick when he was asked whether or not he planned on saving the cat.

Mr. Umbrick has been a proud member of firehouse 119 for over seventeen years and has saved a countless number of families from structures set ablaze. He is the most decorated firefighter at the firehouse, but is known for having one flaw: ” I’m not scared of heights!”

Mr. Umbrick is scared of heights. It has been a rumor around the neighborhood for sometime; which started when Mr.Umbrick refused to slide down the fireman’s pole claiming, that it looked “crooked and unsteady.” Other incidents involving airplanes, Ferris wheels and balconies have all corroborated the assumption that Mr. Umbrick is indeed deathly afraid of heights. “He even says a little prayer when we’re crossing the street and he steps on the 6 inch curb.” shared Mrs. Umbrick.

In vehement protest Mr. Umbrick stated “I don’t know where you’re getting this from, I am 45 year old man and the reason why I won’t leave God’s green earth and hoist myself into the atmosphere is because the cat WANTS to stay in the tree. He likes it there! You can see it on his face.”

Although steadfast in denial Mr. Umbrick will continue his job as firefighter, and will no longer be dispatched to fetch cats out of trees, who ironically enough do enjoy spending time in trees.

Mister Polone, March 2010

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