Phew. Ok. Ok relax man. Just take a deep breath. You’e cool. You’e fine. You’e not even high, man. You don’ even look that high. Your eyes are really bad but y-you just slept really late that’ all. Yeah, that’ all. Just get out of this bathroom, go get your backpack and go to class. See, it was noth-hey is that spliff still going? If the spliff’s lit, take a hit….ok, ok cough maybe that cough wasn’ the best cough idea. Oh shit it’ 10:53! You got to get out of here, go get your shoes. Why are shoelaces so damn difficult? 10:56!
Sweet, now you’re outside and it feels amaaazing. Sniffs Ahh, oh my god, dude this is perfect. Dude, turn the music up. Swanky. How does he come up with these lyrics? Focus, you’e already late, pick it up.
Hey only 4 minutes late. Everything’ cool, they haven’ even started yet. Alright, just sit down –what the hell is the bro doing in your seat? Douchebag. Now you have to sit in the front. Damn. Alright, just be cool, no one’ going to know how high you are and the professor never calls on you. See, everything is fine, just take some notes. Wow, that’ like 3 pages of notes. It must have been like a half hour already. Dude, class is probably over soon. Oh yeah, it’ got to be 11:40 at least.
11:12!!! Oh my god this is taking foreverrrr! Ugh, just relax. What-what’ going on? Small groups? Oh shit, you didn’ do the reading last night. Just relax, the nerd with the lisp is in your group; he probably knows what’ going on.
Oh, so that’ what this story is about. Shit that sounds pretty sweet, seems worth reading at some vague and unspecified point in the future. Ok, now the group has to present; come on lispy don’ fail me. Wait a second, why is he handing you the paper? You’e going to have to present? Oh fuck. Damn. Ok, ok, stop shaking just read it. Stop stammering, you sound like an epileptic half-tard.
The professor is nodding his head beacuse he thinks you know what you’e talking about. He’ agreeing with you! Dude, seize the moment, take this bitch home! Oh shit, they’e clapping! Nice. Well played. Sit back down and breathe for a second. Wait. What’ in your back pocket?….A PACK OF GUSHERS!
– Mr. Polone, April 2010
