Open Letter To Bo’ Bama

United Emancipated Seventeen Year Olds
For The Free World
Greenpoint, Brooklyn, 11222

Bo’ Bama
White House
DC, 20502

President Obama:

We think you’ve done a fine job so far. We are proud to have you be our first president and it’s especially cool because you’re black and other stuff like that.

The United Emancipated Seventeen Year Olds For The Free World would like to officially rally for your candidacy (“go cray” – Jay Z, 2011) with full guerilla style support and backing. Our general political support hinges on the compliance of the following:

-Take a stoic photo looking out a window with Instagram that can become a viral meme
-Introduce legislation to increase transparency of political lobbyists
-Pay down the national debt through decommissioning of budget-bloated and outdated federal agencies/services (the USPS, public school, etc.)
-Get another dog, but allow your constituents and public supporters to vote democraticaly in said decision
-Illegalize not legalizing marijuana
-Tell Rick Santorum to “suck it” and/or ask Mitt Romney if he’d like a taste of “deez nuts”
-Government sponsored work projects; preferably a high speed rail system
-Become a permanent cast member of SNL but only do Update with Seth
-Be seated for a portrait with Woody Allen
-Get a tattoo of yourself fist bumping Nelson Mandella
-Smoke a blunt at a Kid Cudi concert
-Write back to this letter

By the way, due to registration cut off dates and post-dated unjust laws, only 8% of our groups population will be able to vote in the upcoming election. We wish you good luck.

Sincerely,

United Emancipated Seventeen Year Olds
For The Free World

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